[ Louis fingers move over the fake pieces in Legosi's mouth. After a few moments of closely examining them with his eyes and fingers, he withdraws his fingers and returns his hands to himself. He brings a hand up to tap on the side of his own muzzle. "Important at the time". What was this guy even doing? His own reckless, stupid behaviors drove him to end up like this. He mutilated himself (says the guy who let the wolf before him eat a part of himself) with an end goal in mind. He tilted his head.
What is this nonsense. There's a slight grumble of annoyance in the back of his throat. ]
Why?
[ He's chastising him, of course. As if he has any place to. ]
( louis' hands finally move away from his mouth, and legosi seems to shrink a half-foot, feeling far more uncertain (ashamed? maybe?) of his past actions in front of louis than he had in front of haru. maybe because louis was the one who had always told him not to squander his natural gifts and advantages as a carnivore, and haru was the one who had faced all of those "gifts and advantages" first-hand...
why? a whine emanates from the back of legosi's throat, and he answers, slowly, hesitatingly. ) I... went to meet with Yafya. You know - the Beastar? And he, kind of... threatened me, so... it seemed like the only thing at the time to convince him of my convictions, and, uh...
( his voice becomes very small towards the end, and then it drifts off.
after a moment's delay, he speaks up again. ) Gouhin already criticized me for this before, so I've heard it already.
( even though he's pretty sure he'll get it worse now, since louis has far more reason to be frustrated at him for this particular and very permanent decision he'd made. )
[ Is this guy... serious? Louis considers for a moment that he's not. That he's just stupid and said it because there's something else going on. But then, it's Legosi. He can't imagine the other just lying like that, especially about something like this, and directly to his face. His friend was pretty earnest, to be honest. And as stupid as his choice was, and his intentions were. He made that decision.
But that won't keep Legosi safe from Louis chewing him out for the choices he made. For ridding himself of the gifts he was born with. ]
I'm sure you have. What were you trying to prove? That you're only trustworthy when you're without anything that makes you a wolf. That doesn't prove anything at all, Legosi.
[ And then he asks. ]
Did it actually help? Did it prove anything to him? Or did he use you because now he knows you'll do anything to make a point? [ There's definitely some accusation in his tone. ] It's so stupid of you, Legosi.
( legosi is a stupid wolf. that's true — he hears it often enough, and he has to agree with it. but he knows what he's done in his life that he regrets and what he doesn't. being forced to eat louis' leg so he could gain the strength to defeat riz? he regrets that. he wishes he had been strong enough on his own, and that decision had led him to much anguish, physical and emotional. the lasting ramifications of it were things he was still trying to rid himself of.
but removing his fangs to prove his sincerity to yafya? that, he didn't regret. and whatever louis told him wouldn't change his mind.
because he's a stupid, stubborn wolf.
he seems to bow under the weight of louis' words, but then... towards the end, it has the opposite effect. he stands up straighter — straight, to his fullest height — and looks at his friend with earnestness and conviction in his eyes. the same he had looked at yafya with, when meeting with him in his penthouse. )
He knew about what happened on New Year's Eve. He demanded that I apologize — apologize for being born a wolf, for what I did to you. And I did. Because I am sorry, and I'll never stop being sorry. But I did it to prove that I didn't need my teeth after everything that happened... and so our bodies would be similar enough so that I could punch him without feeling bad about it.
( his heart hammers in his chest, and his nerves all tie up into knots. ) And then I punched the Beastar in the face. Because I had to tell him that what he was doing was wrong.
( and then he deflates, like a balloon that had lost half of its air in the speaking of all of those words. his posture returns to normal, his shoulders rounding and his hands disappearing into his pockets. ) He let me go, so I think it proved something to him.
( maybe if he'd done anything else, he'd be feeding yafya's carrots, just like all the other criminal carnivores he caught. )
[ They're two sides of the same coin, he knows - always pushing and pulling. He sees Legosi seem to gain confidence in his words, despite Louis' own insistence that what he had done was stupid. Should he have a place to judge Legosi for choosing to rip out his own teeth? Probably not. Probably not when he had so freely offered up a part of his own body for the sake of his friend. New Years Eve had changed them. And like Legosi, Louis did not regret it.
When he was young, he was so used to death that at times he had gone so far as to welcome the change and the end. He was raised not to express the way that he was feeling, and it had so carefully helped him bury who he was before Oguma. But seeing Legosi throw himself at Riz, willing to see it to the end like that - it scared him. It was like years of buried feelings came bubbling up and escaped him.
Did he regret it? No. Did he think Legosi should apologize? Absolutely not. Sure, he was forever changed by it, but Louis didn't hate the path he was on as a result. And to think that Legosi was so sorry for it -- ]
You're so stupid. [ The words, words he wanted to say so harshly came out soft and concerned. Damn it -- ] Why are you sorry for what happened?
Do you think you somehow slowed me down? Made me worth pitying? [ His voice regains strength. ] I would have given you more than just my leg, you idiot. You have nothing to be sorry for, especially with me.
[ There's a hint in his tone that says - without words How dare you. How dare Legosi feel sorry for taking what was offered to him so freely and readily. How dare he not allow Louis to just let himself be the livestock he was born and bred to be? Legosi was alive. His curse was broken. Those clawed hands reach up and grip tight to either side of Legosi's face. ]
You punched him? How did he take that? I never thought you'd be the guy to punch the Beastar in the face. He let you go, just like that? What do you think you proved?
( he will never be able to satisfy everyone. it's something he's sensed throughout his life, but he feels it the most acutely when he is with louis. were he perfectly secure in what he was (perhaps even to the detriment of others) like bill, it wouldn't be a problem — but he wasn't, and he never had been. minimizing himself and his presence had been a learned behavior. no one had really called him out on it until louis, and that had suddenly thrown him into confusion. was it wrong to try to so purposefully defer to others, mindful of the obvious advantage he had been given in this world? was he wrong in his reverence of herbivores, a shred of something in himself that was somehow perfectly willing to debase himself for having been born a carnivore?
they would always see these things differently. their eyes had grown up seeing two completely different facets of the world, and they had developed differently, accordingly. it wasn't like legosi would have done anything differently, if the events of new year's had played out again with what he knows now. he wouldn't spit on louis' sacrifice like that.
but... that wasn't the only thing at play here.
his ears turn back — even if louis' voice is oddly gentle, oddly close, the context of the conversation still puts him on edge. half-flinching, as if he were expecting a verbal blow or some sort of argument he wouldn't be able to counter. something else he'd have to wrestle with when a dream of flesh and bone between his teeth woke him up in the dead of night. )
N - No — ( this isn't what he had meant. no — of course he would see it this way, but it had never so much been about louis (as selfish as that was to think). he had given him his leg willingly. there had seemed to be something there that he even felt relieved to lose. and he seemed just as composed, just as confident as he ever had, even with a prosthetic limb. ) It - wasn't that. It ... Do you know how much it impacted my life? How... even if I wanted to go back to school, I couldn't? How there are only certain places I'll be able to live, how - how I wouldn't be able to marry Haru, even if she agreed to? To many animals, a "predatory offender" is all I am and all I ever will be.
( he says it all, and it has the heat and the speed of something true, even though it makes shame burn a path from his heart all the way up his throat. his gaze drops. ) When I say "I'm sorry"... Louis-senpai, I wouldn't change anything that happened. I am grateful... but I am also sorry. I made everything so much more complicated, and now I'm paying for it. The reason why I was helping the Beastar try to track down Melon... is because he said he could wipe that "predatory offender" offense off of my record if I did.
( that was how it started, but now he felt like he wouldn't be able to leave it alone, even if he went back on his promise. melon holds too much importance in legosi's idealized version of the future. he just had to know — would his children be forced to live like that? was he wrong, yet again, in what he wanted, simply because of what he wanted?
he doesn't move when louis reaches up to hold his face still, though he does think it's odd, the way his fingers are clawed now. )
Well... I'm still alive. He let me go, and then he made that offer to me. I'm not sure what part about it it was, if it was me taking out my teeth or me punching him or both... but something must have worked.
[ He was quiet. Waiting. Listening. Allowing Legosi to finish what he had to say about everything. He knows about your history creeping up on you and finding you when you never wanted it to. Legosi's record is criminal and nothing like his own record and history of perpetual victim-hood. He didn't want to be seen that way. He knows how hard he had worked to keep everything about himself so deeply buried. He would have done everything to protect it back then, too. Preserve the image he projected. New Years Even had changed him so dramatically. Inside and out. And still, he maintained appearances - as if he had barely changed. It was what he had to do.
It's weird to him. He releases his hands, his arms falling weakly to his side. He didn't get it. He didn't get the limitations, even with the things he found inconvenient in his own life. Louis had willingly stepped into the shadows when he was with the Shishigumi. And sometimes, he missed being back there.
But, there's a shadow of a doubt in his question. ]
He can really do that, huh? [ But -- he knows how much power the Beastar has.. He knows there will always be whispers and rumors, but he doubts Legosi cares about that in the same way he does. As long as he can make Haru happy. ]
That explains why you were near the Shishigumi last time I saw you.
[ He knows these words needed to be said, although he was surprised it had happened now. ]
Or maybe he just saw that you're worth keeping around. [ Maybe that's coming from personal experience. Just a bit. He liked having Legosi around, regardless of some of the frustration he experiences as a result of their friendship. Maybe Legosi didn't need to do anything other than talk. ]
I still can't believe you did it to yourself. I wonder what that means for you here.
( when you see someone buckle under an explanation (an argument?) like this, it's a pyrrhic victory. legosi doesn't feel a single positive emotion when he sees some of the tension ebb from his friends body, his hands releasing him so his arms could fall to his sides. he feels raw, exposed — a nerve, all too vulnerable to whatever anticipated or unanticipated his verbal deluge might invite. he can never let down any guard with louis; the guy really knew how to needle him in ways he wasn't prepared for. the first and only herbivore to call him out on his carnivorous hypocrisy.
it's legosi's turn to buckle when louis finally replies. the stress of the moment leaves him in a huff of breath, and his shoulders fall at least two or three inches before he settles into his usual slump. he can't help but glance down. ) I... I guess I don't know for sure. But - ( he looks back up now, his eyes oddly fierce, bright with determination. ) I have to trust him... and believe that he can.
( because otherwise... what was the point? )
...Yeah. ( he's silent, considering. in the end, he shakes his head. ) I wasn't expecting to stumble across you in all of this, but... nn, when I think about it... I guess I'm not surprised.
( he smiles a thin-lipped smile. regardless of the differences in where they came from, what they were, and who they were, they were both two denizens of the seedy underbelly of society. regardless of how they might try to avoid it for a time, something would return them later. considering he had spent more time with louis in the back alley market lately than he had really at school, he has to believe something like this is true.
he makes an uncertain sound, rolling his shoulders in a shrug. as a wolf cursed with acute self-awareness of the downsides of being around him, he's just happy those inconveniences end up coming out in the wash. but reprising the whole situation with his teeth sobers him once more, though — his brow furrows in thought, the cogs and gears turning in his head until something clicks in to place. )
( his jaw drops open. ) Oh... the - oh. Oh, no, what do you think is going to happen?!
( will his teeth come back? will he be some other animal, horrifically wearing wolf dentures?? will they not fit and he will be without teeth at all??? how did he not think of this before this point!! )
[ That is fact. Louis and Legosi were always drawn to one another. It was the way they did things. They always happened to find each other whenever something was going on in the other's life. They were like magnets. Sometimes it was convenient. Sometimes it wasn't. Eventually, he would find out what Legosi did to himself. Eventually, he would see and know what had happened with the Beastar.
It was how it always worked. And he was curious what Legosi would eventually find out about him. For all the effort Louis put forward to keep those parts so carefully buried, Legosi found out about the Shishigumi. ]
Well, maybe something else will grow in. Who knows. I guess we'll see, huh?
[ They'll both see. That's what Louis is so clearly saying. ]
( well. at first. but only because legosi hadn't known louis' history. and at this point he probably still doesn't have all the details, though a wolf that spent as much time in the back alley as himself probably had a decent idea of what the number on his foot had meant.
so the better way to have said that probably would have included "until the least-expected places became the most-expected places."
but he was happy about this odd, cosmic magnetism. it's plain to see -- his tail hadn't stopped wagging since louis had arrived, perhaps even more fueled into the positive energy by louis' own tail's action. so bizarre... legosi didn't even really appreciate being around his own kind all that much, but he's far more excited to be around a half-wolf hybrid louis than he probably had been for wolves up until this point.
regardless, legosi slowly drags his hands down his face, groaning at louis' suggestion. )Ugh... What's worse, a wolf with fake teeth or a wolf with teeth that aren't even a wolf's?( his hands drop, and he shakes his head, defeated.
though he does squint at his friend. ) Mm... Probably just about as weird as a deer with wolf teeth, though.
[ It's weird, Louis notes. How easy it is for him to be so delighted to be around his friend. For all that he tried to keep his face and body calm every day, the tail he had right now was betraying him. Every moment, every second that Legosi was in his bubble or he was in Legosi's it would wag. Delighted. He wished he could will lit to stop. Make it stop. It was so easy for Legosi understand how he felt now. It was weird, it was nice to not have to say anything or do anything really.
Just stand there, enjoy him, and the tail wagging. The speed progressively increasing. But then -- the mental image strikes. The image of Legosi's mouth now filled with teeth more like his on any other day and the tail slows and he raises a brow. ]
A wolf with teeth that aren't his. A wolf with herbivore teeth.
[ What. What. He opens his mouth a little, showing off the fangs. ]
It's not much better than this. I mean, this is kinda freaky, isn't it?
on legosi's part, it's nice to have some sort of confirmation that his friend enjoys being around him just as much as vice versa. it's always been impossible for legosi to hide that — his tail had so much of a mind of its own that it had drawn undue attention (especially from lions) multiple times. it's ironic, then, that louis would face the same issue. legosi appreciates his wolfish tail betraying him, though. he wasn't necessarily the type of person to point it out or make a big deal out of it, though. there's just a warmness in his expression and a spark to his eye, even though he's still adjusting to louis' new appearance and demeanor.
he tilts his head, peering at the carnivorous teeth. it is chilling. he is reminded so strongly of melon — the herbivorous features with the surprising, clashing feature of the sharp teeth. ) A bit... It's not like it's wrong or anything, ( if some animals have it naturally, it couldn't be wrong, right? wouldn't haru's and his children be like this, with herbivore features and potentially carnivore teeth? ) but just... unexpected.
( as for carnivores with herbivore teeth... that just makes him think of the mayor, who had always unsettled him...
one of his ears flaps. ) You like it, then?
( he hums low to himself, putting a clawed hand to his chin. ) That isn't very shocking... You always seemed kind of... interested...
( you know, like that one time you shoved your hand in his mouth and told him to bite you? )
[ He doesn't really like that it's so easy to read him. He's used to keeping himself buried, his feelings unknown to those around him. To have it be so straightforward and obvious. He lets out a deep sigh, knowing that it isn't like he can stop himself from displaying the joy. Finally, the conversation helps him calm down. He considers that it might help Legosi understand him more outside of this.
Maybe.
Maybe.
At the very least, Louis better understands his friend. ]
In your...teeth?
[ Hmmm...He taps his cheek. ]
Well, a little. I just suppose I want to know how strong a carnivore's jaw and teeth are.
[ He opened his mouth and snapped it shut to demonstrate. ]
And while this already helps... after New Years Eve, I already had some idea.
[ He wasn't going to bring up that night again. Not with Legosi. Because of what happened, and he knows it is a sensitive subject. ...But, it's just a straightforward comment that from the perspective of a herbivore, he gets it. He knows how strong and powerful Legosi's body is. And he didn't need this to show him, but there's nothing quite like this. ]
( legosi's gaze seems a little blank, and he slowly tilts his head to one side. had that not been obvious? one of their first one-on-one interactions had been louis trapping him and shoving his hand in his mouth. it wasn't necessarily the teeth alone, but what they represent — the danger and strength of carnivores, underlining the nature that many herbivores believed to be bred in their bones. not that legosi really agreed, but... it's not as though he could argue against what his own carnivorous instincts inflicted upon him on a semi-regular basis.
anyways.
legosi's eyes light up a little bit as louis continues. his ears perk up, swiveling to the front. )
Y - Yeah, well... ( he seems a little uncomfortable (as he always does) at the mention of new year's, hoping to maybe supplant that memory of how powerful a carnivore's jaws were with something a little less... bloody and painful. ) You know, there's actually this game that carnivores play sometimes. It has to do with that very thing. We could play it, just to show you, but we need, uh... ( his voice drops a little quieter here, ) some rope...
[ He's obsessed with the strength, but he doesn't quite know what it is yet. He considers Legosi's answer. He has had a lot of time to learn about feline carnivores, but despite considering Legosi a friend, most of what he knows about them is from spending time with him or Juno - or from a purely, scientific, educational perspective.
Which doesn't talk about the games quite as much as anything else.
So, he wonders - and he'll even ask. ]
What do you do with it?
[ He can draw some conclusions. He knows he's not as strong, if it's purely jaw strength. If he were honest, he'd be closer to a hybrid than a pure...wolf. But he does have other bonuses, so it may be different. ]
( he feels almost guilty mentioning it. it's not a game that is talked about or done in the presence of herbivores. that would be rude, and not to mention frightening to them. these are creatures that could, just in a lapse of thought or judgment, accidentally tear their limbs off. playing the rope game was all about that carnivorous strength, studded with teeth and snapped jaws, accented and punctuated by snarls and growls...
but louis was at least part carnivore now, so it should be fine, right? )
Well, one carnivore grabs onto one end with their teeth, and the other does so with the other. Then they both sit in a chair. Then it's basically like tug-of-war... You try to pull the other animal out of their chair.
( the last time legosi had played this game, he had gotten beaten pretty soundly. it had been embarrassing, but... living the life of a carnivore abstaining from meat, training the strength in his limbs... it caused his jaw to get far weaker than a normal wolf's might be. so perhaps louis had a shot. )
[ ... ... He can't even imagine himself doing it. That sounds... everything this side of ridiculous. For all of his effort imagining it, there's a small smirk that spreads on his face, filled with amusement. ]
Carnivores are ridiculous.
[ There's no venom there, just purely joy. He shifts his weight. ]
I think I'll probably not, though.
[ As much as his tail wags, or the fangs he has, or the physical strength he has. ]
With Sanguis...I'm not normal carnivore strength, either. It takes a lot of restraint. I'd be pretty mad if I accidentally hurt someone. [ Well, Legosi. ]
( as he explains it, as he tries to picture it... he can't imagine it either. even with louis in his hybrid state, he can't really seem to imagine him with a rope in his teeth, growling and snarling as he tried to vie for physical dominance. louis didn't really need to stoop to such levels. he typically demanded the attention and respect of everyone in a room simply by walking into it.
in a way he feels foolish for even talking about that stupid game, but... louis deserved to get a few different tastes of carnivore life, now that he kind of-sort of is one. )
It... made more sense when we were younger, I guess... It does seem a little ridiculous now...
( he says, having played this game within the last few months.
his lips curve into a small smile. ) You're sounding more like a carnivore already. Though... it'd be fine if you accidentally hurt me. ( fair's fair, right? though legosi had hurt louis on purpose (even if he'd asked him to). ) But practicing self-control is probably the best thing to do right now so, ... okay.
[ It'd be fine, Legosi?! Louis's expression immediately shifts to being totally unimpressed that he says that. Yeah, Carnivore are ridiculous. But it was part of why Louis loved them. Why he spent time with them. He wouldn't actually like carnivores if he didn't like them how they naturally were. ]
Am I? I broke my closet door. I didn't expect to be that much...stronger.
[ Of course he has. ]
And it isn't fine if I'd hurt you, idiot. Value yourself a little bit more.
[ Says the deer who volunteered part of his body to be food. He really has no room to talk, but he remembers having this conversation with Legosi when he was fighting Riz on New Year's Eve. He's a little disappointed to hear it again. ]
Mhm... It's not something a carnivore can really control. That's why you have to be so mindful about it.
( he wonders if, knowing what he knows now of having even half a carnivore's strength, he understands a little more where legosi had been coming from when they first met. sure, even now legosi would admit that he had been a little too active in diminishing himself, but these were simply lessons you learned growing up as a carnivore (and that went double when you were a large carnivore, such as himself). mind your strength. cover your teeth. hide your claws. don't intimidate, purposefully or accidentally —
louis is fortunate they aren't at home; all of these manners will matter a lot less here. )
Oh... That's not really what I meant. I meant more that... I've survived when carnivores much bigger than you actually wanted to kill me. So you accidentally hurting me probably wouldn't be so bad. Plus, we seem to heal a lot faster here.
( he certainly didn't want to get hurt, but... it happens around other carnivores. they were a rowdy bunch. )
And I'd rather you get used to your new strength with me than around anyone else more ... fragile.
[ Mindful. He never considered that he'd have to be, so this is new to him. But, he's always super mindful about how he carries himself and behaves, so he may do it without trying. Not that he intends to really go out in public looking or feeling like this right now. He didn't want to be seen by many people, not to mention his walk is a little...off, thanks to the change in his height. He'd rather not be seen when he's not fully together. ]
I still don't want to hurt you.
[ Louis resists the urge to roll his eyes. Obviously it didn't matter how he did it, but he just didn't want to injure an undeserving friend. ]
( he does think that louis is more suited to being a carnivore than, say, haru, who has just enough willful, capricious, wild energy that it might be dangerous to others around her if she suddenly woke up one day as a wolf (it would certainly be dangerous to legosi, for multiple reasons).
his ear flaps at his answer, a memory and a realization coalescing in his mind. what follows close on its heels is an odd look on legosi: something verging on smugly triumphant, as if he was barely keeping the words, "i told you so," from slipping between his teeth. )
Hm... So maybe you get it now?
( he takes a pace forward, not going so far as to stick his hand in louis' mouth, as had been done to him over a year ago, but at the very least wrapping his fingers loosely around his friend's elongated muzzle. )"Bite me, Louis..." Right?
( not quite content to let him forget exactly where and how their friendship had started...
and then he lets him go, smiling and giving a silent laugh with his eyes. )
[ So different. He's different. He'd had his head in a lion's mouth, part of his leg devoured by the wolf in front of him, and none of those things seemed to deter his affection for carnivores. Admiration, maybe. It's hard to put into words for him, if only because everything he's felt since he got closer to his friend has been felt more deeply, more sincerely, than he ever felt before. And the hatred that molded him before was gone.
When he had taunted Legosi then, it was to prove a point about carnivores, but how he viewed them wasn't the same now as it had been over a year ago. ]
I actually like you now.
[ Said so simply it's almost flippant in its delivery. He shifts, turning on his prosthetic and moving into the kitchen. ]
Sit down, Legosi. I'll get you something to drink, then you can be on your way.
Yeah. Now, when you try to get me to bite you, you're offering whole limbs...
( it's a graceless joke, but it is good-hearted; at this point, legosi feels like they have to accept this between them and joke about it, or their relationship will twist and mutate in the absence of openness and honesty. when he had stood before riz, what had existed between them in that moment — a herbivore willingly giving up a part of his own body to allow a carnivore to fight and keep his own life — had been emblematic of the point that legosi had been trying to prove to the bear. it crystallized into what they represented as well: a shocking new relationship between herbivores and carnivores. legosi would vehemently oppose that all herbivores should give up parts of themselves literally, but perhaps there was something figurative in there that he wishes more animals understood. life was about giving boons to others and picking up burdens from others. that's what it meant to live in their society — or, at the very least, that's what it should mean.
no, there is nothing elegant about this gangly, scarred grey wolf, but he doesn't need to be. he has louis for that. they had their own unique strengths, and why they worked so well together was that theirs complemented one another. legosi could only transcribe his philosophy into the world through artless violence, but louis could stand to be something more.
even as it's posed, legosi doesn't take offense to that. he merely rolls his shoulders in a shrug as he moves towards the indicated seat. ) I didn't give you very much to like, really... ( he had been so focused on making himself (a six foot tall wolf) unobtrusive that he had really not done much at all to make himself likable... he'd called it a victory if he merely wasn't openly disliked.
and even when that happened, well... he'd gotten used to strangers treating him oddly years and years ago.
he sits, folding his hands in his lap. ) Okay. ...You can always let me know, though. If you have any questions about being a carnivore, that is.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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What is this nonsense. There's a slight grumble of annoyance in the back of his throat. ]
Why?
[ He's chastising him, of course. As if he has any place to. ]
Why would you do this to yourself?
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why? a whine emanates from the back of legosi's throat, and he answers, slowly, hesitatingly. ) I... went to meet with Yafya. You know - the Beastar? And he, kind of... threatened me, so... it seemed like the only thing at the time to convince him of my convictions, and, uh...
( his voice becomes very small towards the end, and then it drifts off.
after a moment's delay, he speaks up again. ) Gouhin already criticized me for this before, so I've heard it already.
( even though he's pretty sure he'll get it worse now, since louis has far more reason to be frustrated at him for this particular and very permanent decision he'd made. )
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But that won't keep Legosi safe from Louis chewing him out for the choices he made. For ridding himself of the gifts he was born with. ]
I'm sure you have. What were you trying to prove? That you're only trustworthy when you're without anything that makes you a wolf. That doesn't prove anything at all, Legosi.
[ And then he asks. ]
Did it actually help? Did it prove anything to him? Or did he use you because now he knows you'll do anything to make a point? [ There's definitely some accusation in his tone. ] It's so stupid of you, Legosi.
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but removing his fangs to prove his sincerity to yafya? that, he didn't regret. and whatever louis told him wouldn't change his mind.
because he's a stupid, stubborn wolf.
he seems to bow under the weight of louis' words, but then... towards the end, it has the opposite effect. he stands up straighter — straight, to his fullest height — and looks at his friend with earnestness and conviction in his eyes. the same he had looked at yafya with, when meeting with him in his penthouse. )
He knew about what happened on New Year's Eve. He demanded that I apologize — apologize for being born a wolf, for what I did to you. And I did. Because I am sorry, and I'll never stop being sorry. But I did it to prove that I didn't need my teeth after everything that happened... and so our bodies would be similar enough so that I could punch him without feeling bad about it.
( his heart hammers in his chest, and his nerves all tie up into knots. ) And then I punched the Beastar in the face. Because I had to tell him that what he was doing was wrong.
( and then he deflates, like a balloon that had lost half of its air in the speaking of all of those words. his posture returns to normal, his shoulders rounding and his hands disappearing into his pockets. ) He let me go, so I think it proved something to him.
( maybe if he'd done anything else, he'd be feeding yafya's carrots, just like all the other criminal carnivores he caught. )
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When he was young, he was so used to death that at times he had gone so far as to welcome the change and the end. He was raised not to express the way that he was feeling, and it had so carefully helped him bury who he was before Oguma. But seeing Legosi throw himself at Riz, willing to see it to the end like that - it scared him. It was like years of buried feelings came bubbling up and escaped him.
Did he regret it? No. Did he think Legosi should apologize? Absolutely not. Sure, he was forever changed by it, but Louis didn't hate the path he was on as a result. And to think that Legosi was so sorry for it -- ]
You're so stupid. [ The words, words he wanted to say so harshly came out soft and concerned. Damn it -- ] Why are you sorry for what happened?
Do you think you somehow slowed me down? Made me worth pitying? [ His voice regains strength. ] I would have given you more than just my leg, you idiot. You have nothing to be sorry for, especially with me.
[ There's a hint in his tone that says - without words How dare you. How dare Legosi feel sorry for taking what was offered to him so freely and readily. How dare he not allow Louis to just let himself be the livestock he was born and bred to be? Legosi was alive. His curse was broken. Those clawed hands reach up and grip tight to either side of Legosi's face. ]
You punched him? How did he take that? I never thought you'd be the guy to punch the Beastar in the face. He let you go, just like that? What do you think you proved?
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they would always see these things differently. their eyes had grown up seeing two completely different facets of the world, and they had developed differently, accordingly. it wasn't like legosi would have done anything differently, if the events of new year's had played out again with what he knows now. he wouldn't spit on louis' sacrifice like that.
but... that wasn't the only thing at play here.
his ears turn back — even if louis' voice is oddly gentle, oddly close, the context of the conversation still puts him on edge. half-flinching, as if he were expecting a verbal blow or some sort of argument he wouldn't be able to counter. something else he'd have to wrestle with when a dream of flesh and bone between his teeth woke him up in the dead of night. )
N - No — ( this isn't what he had meant. no — of course he would see it this way, but it had never so much been about louis (as selfish as that was to think). he had given him his leg willingly. there had seemed to be something there that he even felt relieved to lose. and he seemed just as composed, just as confident as he ever had, even with a prosthetic limb. ) It - wasn't that. It ... Do you know how much it impacted my life? How... even if I wanted to go back to school, I couldn't? How there are only certain places I'll be able to live, how - how I wouldn't be able to marry Haru, even if she agreed to? To many animals, a "predatory offender" is all I am and all I ever will be.
( he says it all, and it has the heat and the speed of something true, even though it makes shame burn a path from his heart all the way up his throat. his gaze drops. ) When I say "I'm sorry"... Louis-senpai, I wouldn't change anything that happened. I am grateful... but I am also sorry. I made everything so much more complicated, and now I'm paying for it. The reason why I was helping the Beastar try to track down Melon... is because he said he could wipe that "predatory offender" offense off of my record if I did.
( that was how it started, but now he felt like he wouldn't be able to leave it alone, even if he went back on his promise. melon holds too much importance in legosi's idealized version of the future. he just had to know — would his children be forced to live like that? was he wrong, yet again, in what he wanted, simply because of what he wanted?
he doesn't move when louis reaches up to hold his face still, though he does think it's odd, the way his fingers are clawed now. )
Well... I'm still alive. He let me go, and then he made that offer to me. I'm not sure what part about it it was, if it was me taking out my teeth or me punching him or both... but something must have worked.
( yafya was an odd guy. but so was legosi. )
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It's weird to him. He releases his hands, his arms falling weakly to his side. He didn't get it. He didn't get the limitations, even with the things he found inconvenient in his own life. Louis had willingly stepped into the shadows when he was with the Shishigumi. And sometimes, he missed being back there.
But, there's a shadow of a doubt in his question. ]
He can really do that, huh? [ But -- he knows how much power the Beastar has.. He knows there will always be whispers and rumors, but he doubts Legosi cares about that in the same way he does. As long as he can make Haru happy. ]
That explains why you were near the Shishigumi last time I saw you.
[ He knows these words needed to be said, although he was surprised it had happened now. ]
Or maybe he just saw that you're worth keeping around. [ Maybe that's coming from personal experience. Just a bit. He liked having Legosi around, regardless of some of the frustration he experiences as a result of their friendship. Maybe Legosi didn't need to do anything other than talk. ]
I still can't believe you did it to yourself. I wonder what that means for you here.
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it's legosi's turn to buckle when louis finally replies. the stress of the moment leaves him in a huff of breath, and his shoulders fall at least two or three inches before he settles into his usual slump. he can't help but glance down. ) I... I guess I don't know for sure. But - ( he looks back up now, his eyes oddly fierce, bright with determination. ) I have to trust him... and believe that he can.
( because otherwise... what was the point? )
...Yeah. ( he's silent, considering. in the end, he shakes his head. ) I wasn't expecting to stumble across you in all of this, but... nn, when I think about it... I guess I'm not surprised.
( he smiles a thin-lipped smile. regardless of the differences in where they came from, what they were, and who they were, they were both two denizens of the seedy underbelly of society. regardless of how they might try to avoid it for a time, something would return them later. considering he had spent more time with louis in the back alley market lately than he had really at school, he has to believe something like this is true.
he makes an uncertain sound, rolling his shoulders in a shrug. as a wolf cursed with acute self-awareness of the downsides of being around him, he's just happy those inconveniences end up coming out in the wash. but reprising the whole situation with his teeth sobers him once more, though — his brow furrows in thought, the cogs and gears turning in his head until something clicks in to place. )
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( will his teeth come back? will he be some other animal, horrifically wearing wolf dentures?? will they not fit and he will be without teeth at all??? how did he not think of this before this point!! )
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[ That is fact. Louis and Legosi were always drawn to one another. It was the way they did things. They always happened to find each other whenever something was going on in the other's life. They were like magnets. Sometimes it was convenient. Sometimes it wasn't. Eventually, he would find out what Legosi did to himself. Eventually, he would see and know what had happened with the Beastar.
It was how it always worked. And he was curious what Legosi would eventually find out about him. For all the effort Louis put forward to keep those parts so carefully buried, Legosi found out about the Shishigumi. ]
Well, maybe something else will grow in. Who knows. I guess we'll see, huh?
[ They'll both see. That's what Louis is so clearly saying. ]
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( well. at first. but only because legosi hadn't known louis' history. and at this point he probably still doesn't have all the details, though a wolf that spent as much time in the back alley as himself probably had a decent idea of what the number on his foot had meant.
so the better way to have said that probably would have included "until the least-expected places became the most-expected places."
but he was happy about this odd, cosmic magnetism. it's plain to see -- his tail hadn't stopped wagging since louis had arrived, perhaps even more fueled into the positive energy by louis' own tail's action. so bizarre... legosi didn't even really appreciate being around his own kind all that much, but he's far more excited to be around a half-wolf hybrid louis than he probably had been for wolves up until this point.
regardless, legosi slowly drags his hands down his face, groaning at louis' suggestion. ) Ugh... What's worse, a wolf with fake teeth or a wolf with teeth that aren't even a wolf's? ( his hands drop, and he shakes his head, defeated.
though he does squint at his friend. ) Mm... Probably just about as weird as a deer with wolf teeth, though.
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Just stand there, enjoy him, and the tail wagging. The speed progressively increasing. But then -- the mental image strikes. The image of Legosi's mouth now filled with teeth more like his on any other day and the tail slows and he raises a brow. ]
A wolf with teeth that aren't his. A wolf with herbivore teeth.
[ What. What. He opens his mouth a little, showing off the fangs. ]
It's not much better than this. I mean, this is kinda freaky, isn't it?
[ "Freaky". ]
I don't hate it, though.
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on legosi's part, it's nice to have some sort of confirmation that his friend enjoys being around him just as much as vice versa. it's always been impossible for legosi to hide that — his tail had so much of a mind of its own that it had drawn undue attention (especially from lions) multiple times. it's ironic, then, that louis would face the same issue. legosi appreciates his wolfish tail betraying him, though. he wasn't necessarily the type of person to point it out or make a big deal out of it, though. there's just a warmness in his expression and a spark to his eye, even though he's still adjusting to louis' new appearance and demeanor.
he tilts his head, peering at the carnivorous teeth. it is chilling. he is reminded so strongly of melon — the herbivorous features with the surprising, clashing feature of the sharp teeth. ) A bit... It's not like it's wrong or anything, ( if some animals have it naturally, it couldn't be wrong, right? wouldn't haru's and his children be like this, with herbivore features and potentially carnivore teeth? ) but just... unexpected.
( as for carnivores with herbivore teeth... that just makes him think of the mayor, who had always unsettled him...
one of his ears flaps. ) You like it, then?
( he hums low to himself, putting a clawed hand to his chin. ) That isn't very shocking... You always seemed kind of... interested...
( you know, like that one time you shoved your hand in his mouth and told him to bite you? )
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Maybe.
Maybe.
At the very least, Louis better understands his friend. ]
In your...teeth?
[ Hmmm...He taps his cheek. ]
Well, a little. I just suppose I want to know how strong a carnivore's jaw and teeth are.
[ He opened his mouth and snapped it shut to demonstrate. ]
And while this already helps... after New Years Eve, I already had some idea.
[ He wasn't going to bring up that night again. Not with Legosi. Because of what happened, and he knows it is a sensitive subject. ...But, it's just a straightforward comment that from the perspective of a herbivore, he gets it. He knows how strong and powerful Legosi's body is. And he didn't need this to show him, but there's nothing quite like this. ]
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anyways.
legosi's eyes light up a little bit as louis continues. his ears perk up, swiveling to the front. )
Y - Yeah, well... ( he seems a little uncomfortable (as he always does) at the mention of new year's, hoping to maybe supplant that memory of how powerful a carnivore's jaws were with something a little less... bloody and painful. ) You know, there's actually this game that carnivores play sometimes. It has to do with that very thing. We could play it, just to show you, but we need, uh... ( his voice drops a little quieter here, ) some rope...
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Which doesn't talk about the games quite as much as anything else.
So, he wonders - and he'll even ask. ]
What do you do with it?
[ He can draw some conclusions. He knows he's not as strong, if it's purely jaw strength. If he were honest, he'd be closer to a hybrid than a pure...wolf. But he does have other bonuses, so it may be different. ]
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but louis was at least part carnivore now, so it should be fine, right? )
Well, one carnivore grabs onto one end with their teeth, and the other does so with the other. Then they both sit in a chair. Then it's basically like tug-of-war... You try to pull the other animal out of their chair.
( the last time legosi had played this game, he had gotten beaten pretty soundly. it had been embarrassing, but... living the life of a carnivore abstaining from meat, training the strength in his limbs... it caused his jaw to get far weaker than a normal wolf's might be. so perhaps louis had a shot. )
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[ ... ... He can't even imagine himself doing it. That sounds... everything this side of ridiculous. For all of his effort imagining it, there's a small smirk that spreads on his face, filled with amusement. ]
Carnivores are ridiculous.
[ There's no venom there, just purely joy. He shifts his weight. ]
I think I'll probably not, though.
[ As much as his tail wags, or the fangs he has, or the physical strength he has. ]
With Sanguis...I'm not normal carnivore strength, either. It takes a lot of restraint. I'd be pretty mad if I accidentally hurt someone. [ Well, Legosi. ]
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in a way he feels foolish for even talking about that stupid game, but... louis deserved to get a few different tastes of carnivore life, now that he kind of-sort of is one. )
It... made more sense when we were younger, I guess... It does seem a little ridiculous now...
( he says, having played this game within the last few months.
his lips curve into a small smile. ) You're sounding more like a carnivore already. Though... it'd be fine if you accidentally hurt me. ( fair's fair, right? though legosi had hurt louis on purpose (even if he'd asked him to). ) But practicing self-control is probably the best thing to do right now so, ... okay.
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Am I? I broke my closet door. I didn't expect to be that much...stronger.
[ Of course he has. ]
And it isn't fine if I'd hurt you, idiot. Value yourself a little bit more.
[ Says the deer who volunteered part of his body to be food. He really has no room to talk, but he remembers having this conversation with Legosi when he was fighting Riz on New Year's Eve. He's a little disappointed to hear it again. ]
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( he wonders if, knowing what he knows now of having even half a carnivore's strength, he understands a little more where legosi had been coming from when they first met. sure, even now legosi would admit that he had been a little too active in diminishing himself, but these were simply lessons you learned growing up as a carnivore (and that went double when you were a large carnivore, such as himself). mind your strength. cover your teeth. hide your claws. don't intimidate, purposefully or accidentally —
louis is fortunate they aren't at home; all of these manners will matter a lot less here. )
Oh... That's not really what I meant. I meant more that... I've survived when carnivores much bigger than you actually wanted to kill me. So you accidentally hurting me probably wouldn't be so bad. Plus, we seem to heal a lot faster here.
( he certainly didn't want to get hurt, but... it happens around other carnivores. they were a rowdy bunch. )
And I'd rather you get used to your new strength with me than around anyone else more ... fragile.
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I still don't want to hurt you.
[ Louis resists the urge to roll his eyes. Obviously it didn't matter how he did it, but he just didn't want to injure an undeserving friend. ]
Or anyone. Not by mistake, at least.
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his ear flaps at his answer, a memory and a realization coalescing in his mind. what follows close on its heels is an odd look on legosi: something verging on smugly triumphant, as if he was barely keeping the words, "i told you so," from slipping between his teeth. )
Hm... So maybe you get it now?
( he takes a pace forward, not going so far as to stick his hand in louis' mouth, as had been done to him over a year ago, but at the very least wrapping his fingers loosely around his friend's elongated muzzle. ) "Bite me, Louis..." Right?
( not quite content to let him forget exactly where and how their friendship had started...
and then he lets him go, smiling and giving a silent laugh with his eyes. )
yes i think this is coming to a close~ c:
[ So different. He's different. He'd had his head in a lion's mouth, part of his leg devoured by the wolf in front of him, and none of those things seemed to deter his affection for carnivores. Admiration, maybe. It's hard to put into words for him, if only because everything he's felt since he got closer to his friend has been felt more deeply, more sincerely, than he ever felt before. And the hatred that molded him before was gone.
When he had taunted Legosi then, it was to prove a point about carnivores, but how he viewed them wasn't the same now as it had been over a year ago. ]
I actually like you now.
[ Said so simply it's almost flippant in its delivery. He shifts, turning on his prosthetic and moving into the kitchen. ]
Sit down, Legosi. I'll get you something to drink, then you can be on your way.
ok!
( it's a graceless joke, but it is good-hearted; at this point, legosi feels like they have to accept this between them and joke about it, or their relationship will twist and mutate in the absence of openness and honesty. when he had stood before riz, what had existed between them in that moment — a herbivore willingly giving up a part of his own body to allow a carnivore to fight and keep his own life — had been emblematic of the point that legosi had been trying to prove to the bear. it crystallized into what they represented as well: a shocking new relationship between herbivores and carnivores. legosi would vehemently oppose that all herbivores should give up parts of themselves literally, but perhaps there was something figurative in there that he wishes more animals understood. life was about giving boons to others and picking up burdens from others. that's what it meant to live in their society — or, at the very least, that's what it should mean.
no, there is nothing elegant about this gangly, scarred grey wolf, but he doesn't need to be. he has louis for that. they had their own unique strengths, and why they worked so well together was that theirs complemented one another. legosi could only transcribe his philosophy into the world through artless violence, but louis could stand to be something more.
even as it's posed, legosi doesn't take offense to that. he merely rolls his shoulders in a shrug as he moves towards the indicated seat. ) I didn't give you very much to like, really... ( he had been so focused on making himself (a six foot tall wolf) unobtrusive that he had really not done much at all to make himself likable... he'd called it a victory if he merely wasn't openly disliked.
and even when that happened, well... he'd gotten used to strangers treating him oddly years and years ago.
he sits, folding his hands in his lap. ) Okay. ...You can always let me know, though. If you have any questions about being a carnivore, that is.
( or part of one, at least. )